Thank you Orange County for putting on a great hash weekend. Last weekend was the 20th Annual Betty Ford hash in Palm Springs California and despite the bad weather, it was a huge success.
First off, I thought that Palm Springs, CA was in a desert and deserts are supposed to be hot and sunny. Not last weekend. Last weekend felt like a Toronto hash weekend in the middle of November! Rain, cold, and even snow in the higher elevations. I thought this was Southern California.
We arrived at the hotel on Friday afternoon. Some brave souls were swimming in the pool despite the weather but they quickly hopped back into the jacuzzi. The rest of the hashers huddled around the beer cooler hoping that the beer would warm them up or at least make them not care about the weather. I personally drank gin with Mr. Jackson. That did the trick for me.
At 6:30 pm, the hares were off for the Lingerie run. I never understand why some guys go all out for this event. Some of the guys looked better than some of the women in their lingerie. STICK BYTE from the LA hash looked particularly sexy in his pink outfit. He looked more like a hooker on Crenshaw. Then again, you don't really wear lingerie because you plan to sleep in it.
TWEEDLE ME and yours truly, decided to wear PJ's to the run. No lingerie for us. I guess thats what marriage does to some women. TWEEDLE ME, a new mother, left baby ZOE under the care of the child's father, SIN-D-BARE. She hadn't left them together 10 minutes when he called her, "what do I do? she's crying" and "can babies go in hot tubs???" Fortunately we gave TWEEDLE ME more beers and told her not to worry."He'll be fine" (and he was)
First stop was some Irish bar where we listened to the PAINTED TOES. This is a band with lots of really hot chicks. Not to be confused with Southern California HASH BAND with all the guys (Gay's OK) After dancing to Painted Toes the hash was off to another bar. We ran all over downtown Palm Springs in the shitty weather until we made our way to the American Legion hall where we ate, drank and danced. We needed to keep TWEEDLE ME out longer so after the place closed, MR JACKSON, ELEPHANT DICK took her to Hare of the Dog, a local bar, where we drank more.
Saturday: more shitty weather. The run started at 2:30 pm so most of us either slept off our hangovers or decided to keep drinking to stay warm. Betty Ford Opening ceremonies had to be one of the funniest skits I have seen. Betty, played poorly by CHOO CHOO, has been sober for at least a year, until she meets up with the hash and other famous REHABBErs and friends, TAMMY FAYE, JERRY LEE LEWIS, The RAT PACK (Sammy Davis, Frank and Dean), MICHAEL JACKSON, JUDY GARLAND, MARILYN MONROE (Blonds have more fun???), ELVIS, and of course, OZZY (NUT N' HONEY is OZZY!!!! aye, aye, aye) After several down downs, Betty gets trashed and her stint of sobriety is over. She and Tammy FAye jump in the pool together and it's all down hill from there.
Now that BEtty is drunk, the weekend officially starts and we are off to find trail (yes, there actually is a trail this weekend). We took off into the rain, ran through the desert and headed up the snow capped mountain. ERECTION OVERRULED (EO), one of the hares, was itching to get up to the snow, but thankfully, his hangover got the better of him. EO obviously wants to put his rock climbing skills to use, so he has the pack, climbing up and down slippery rocks on our asses until we finally ditch the trail and head back to the AMERICAN LEGION for the apres.
Down Downs SUCK in torrential downpours. I don't remember the circle. You would think a native east coaster would have more tolerance for cold weather but I guess I have adapted to the weather out hear too quickly. There was a TRUNC'ED version of a ceremony. After we had a few hash crimes, the hares did their down downs and we all ran inside to get warm and drink more beer.
The food was very good and for the first time in a long time, it didn't run out. Alot of people did not want to stand out into the rain to wait for it.
Saturday night SKITS were some of the best I have seen in a long time. The OC hash had purchased a GONG but it was only used once that night.... er sorry RVMSON.... the PUSSY EATING skit just didn't get off ground this year. The light to the overhead projector was TRUNC'ED and the flashlight just didn't work. Yes, even the dude who did the card trick didn't get gonged.
Now I have seen some strange STUFF in years of hashing, but there is nothing stanger than BRITISH humor. For the first time, I heard the sound of a harmonica from a BRIT'S arse. (I know I met you but I forgot your name, I'm sorry). I am not sure who was more admirable, the harriette who put the harmonica up the BRIT's arse or the BRIT who did the blowing. RVMSON said they had planned to do that skit but they beat them to it.
There were alot of other very funny and clever skits by BUTT DART, AFTER BIRTH and PENIS BUTTER. I was disturbed by the LONG BEACH GM, PINKY and JUST SAY NO TO CRACK, who put TBall posts between their legs. Very disturbing.
BBBB once again brought the house down with SHORT CUTTER'S RHAPSODY. For those of us who have heard this song (ad nauseum) for 10 or so years, it was a tried and true signature piece, but it was new to many SoCAL hashers. Nobody sings Freddy Mercury quite like BBBB. Except next year can you wear STICK BITE's pink leather outfit?
RUMSON'S pussy eating skit was thawrted by technical difficulites. Next year, bring out the urinal jokes. We kept trying to get The Aristocrats joke going but we didn't have enough new material. After seeing a guy blow a harmonica out his ass, seeing PINKY and CRACK's arses and changing ZOE's poopy diapers, what else is there?
AFter skits, HASH BAND rocked all night.
Sunday. There was a trial. There was a long circle because the weather improved a bit. HIGGINS brought out the CHICKEN. He wanted Captain Zero the porn star, to choke the chicken, but he had already left town to do another gig. We drank and celebrated a great weekend. It started to rain in the afternoon, we bailed out and headed back to Long Beach for recovery.
That's it folks. Thanks again OC for a great weekend.
OnOn
LowBeams